It Was "Just a Dog": How to Navigate the Grief of Losing a Pet
The Canine Perspective
Losing a pet can leave a silence that is difficult to explain to anyone who has not experienced it. For many dog guardians, the grief is not only profound, but often complicated by judgement from others who see the loss as far less significant than losing a human family member.
Accredited canine behaviourist, force-free trainer and bestselling author Sarah Rutten says this kind of grief is real, and it deserves to be acknowledged.
“Dogs are woven into the smallest parts of our daily lives,” Sarah says. “They are there when we wake up, when we make coffee, when we come home, when we sit on the couch, when we prepare meals. So when they are gone, the whole rhythm of the home changes.”
Sarah recently experienced this grief herself after saying goodbye to her beloved pug, Doug, following a decline in his health.
“Even when you know it is the kindest decision, it still feels impossible,” she says. “The routines are the same, but also completely different. You reach for one less bowl. You walk past their bed. You notice the spaces they used to fill.”
Sarah says one of the hardest parts of pet grief is that many people feel pressure to minimise it.
“Grief is not something we always talk about well in our society,” she says. “When it comes to losing a dog, people can feel embarrassed by how much it hurts, especially if they are worried others will think they are overreacting.”
But for Sarah, the depth of the grief reflects the depth of the relationship.
“These animals are family,” she says. “They are our companions, our comfort and our joy. Losing them can be devastating, and it should not have to be justified.”
After losing three dogs in 18 months, Harvey, Kali and Doug, Sarah says she has learned that grief does not always look the same.
“One loss was sudden and shocking. One came after a long period of illness and brought relief, followed by guilt about feeling relieved. One has been a quiet ache,” she says. “None of those responses were wrong. Grief does not follow a script.”
Sarah also notes that grief can affect the dogs left behind. Since Doug’s passing, Sarah has noticed changes in her young pug, Floyd.
“He has been more subdued, a little off his food and more attached than usual. He does not have the language to tell me what he is feeling, but his behaviour is doing the talking, and I am listening.”
In The Canine Perspective, Sarah also writes that dogs can grieve and that supporting the other dogs in the home through that process is important.
Sarah’s Tips for Navigating Pet Grief
Sarah says there is no single right way to grieve, but there are gentle ways to support yourself through the loss.
Allow the grief to be real
Do not minimise the loss because others may not understand it. The bond with a dog is woven into daily life, and grieving that absence is valid.
Lean on people who understand
Sarah encourages grieving guardians to seek support from trusted people or communities who understand the depth of the loss. In her book, she notes that being around people who “get it” can truly help.
Create a ritual that means something to you
This might be keeping a framed photo, saving a paw print, planting something in the garden, or keeping their lead on the hook until you feel ready to move it. Sarah also notes that holding a ceremony can be a meaningful way to honour a dog’s life and support closure.
Support the dogs left behind
Watch for changes in appetite, energy, clinginess or behaviour. Sarah says the goal is not to rush them through it, but to offer connection, routine and time to adjust.
Don’t let anyone else set your timeline
Some people feel ready for another dog quickly. Others need months or years. Sarah says neither response is more loyal, loving or correct.
“Moving forward quickly is not about replacing anyone,” she says. “It is about knowing that your capacity to love another dog does not diminish what you felt for the one you lost.”
Above all, Sarah wants grieving guardians to know their grief deserves space.
“The hard part of loving them so much is that one day we have to let them go,” she says. “When that time comes, surround yourself with people who get it. Let the tears come. Let the laughter come too. And be gentle while you navigate the new normal.”
About us:
For more expert advice on dog behaviour and force-free training, check out Sarah’s website and her book The Canine Perspective: Using Force-Free Methods to Unleash Your Dog’s Paw-tential.
Contact details:
Millana Ayache
0499072922
